Belém’s Burning Questions: Who Speaks for Nature?

While the world’s elite flew into Belém, Brazil, for COP30 armed with suits, speeches, and carbon footprints, On the other side, Nature Insights arrived the most natural way: by bamboo raft.. 

No badge. No sponsor. No lanyard. Just a recorder, a notebook, and the stubborn belief that truth doesn’t need delegation.. 

This is our exclusive, satirical field report from the rivers of the Amazon to the polished halls of climate ambition. 

Arrival by River: The Uninvited Guests 

No one invited Nature Insights to COP30.  While the powerful landed on private jets heavy with emissions and ambition, we, a small team with lighter pockets and heavier dreams, chose the river route. We built a bamboo raft on the banks of the Amazon, guided not by GPS, but by fireflies and faith. The river carried us slow, stubborn, and alive through the lungs of the planet herself. Every ripple whispered: 

“If you wish to speak for nature, first learn to listen to her.” 

Finally, soaked in river water and mosquito poetry, we arrived. At the gates of the grand conference hall in Belém, guards blinked at our handmade badges, “Press of the Earth” and waved us through, perhaps mistaking conviction for credentials.. Inside, banners of “1.5°C” fluttered beside espresso machines and LED screens pulsing “Net Zero by 2050.” 

Lanyards shimmered like medals. Acronyms buzzed in the air like tropical insects. And there we stood, Nature Insights, carrying only one truth: Nature doesn’t need a pass to speak. 

Nature Insights: Let's Go for The Party Delegates: Masters of the Plan to Plan 

Nature Insights: Welcome, esteemed delegates! What brings you to COP30 ? 

Delegate: We’re here to negotiate... and to make sure everyone else does more than us.. 

Nature Insights: Any concrete plans?? 

Delegate: Absolutely. We plan to announce a new plan to plan for the next plan. 

Nature Insights: Wonderful. Progress in principle, paralysis in practice. 

“Plans to plan for future plans, the only infinite renewable at COP.” 

Here Go the NGOs: The Conscience That No One Listens To 

Nature Insights: NGOs are the moral backbone of COP. How’s the mood ? 

NGO Rep: Exhausted. We’ve been saying the same thing since COP1. 

Nature Insights: Any wins this year? 

NGO Rep: We got a line in paragraph 38, sub-section B. 

Nature Insights:Bravo. Humanity is saved—again, in fine print. 

Some victories come in megawatts, others in footnotes. 

Now Meet with UN & IGOs: Bureaucracy, But Make It Climate

Nature Insights: You’ve been to every COP. What’s new this time? 

IGO Official: We’re launching a multi-stakeholder synergy initiative for resilient partnership pathways under the SDG framework. 

Nature Insights: And what does that mean? 

IGO Official: Exactly. 

Nature Insights:Ah, another acronym is born. 

The UN never runs out of two things: hope and abbreviations. 

Here Is Our Selfie Group —Youth Delegates: The Loudest Hope in a Soundproof Room 

Nature Insights: You bring energy, banners, and megaphones. What’s your goal this year? 

Youth Delegate: To shout “System Change, Not Climate Change!” louder than the soundproof glass of the negotiation rooms. 

Nature Insights: And results? 

Youth Delegate: Likes, shares, and maybe a selfie with a minister who’ll forget us tomorrow. 

Nature Insights: That’s… something.  

Youth Delegate: Gotta run! City tour starts in ten. Byeee! 

Hope is loud, but glass is thicker. 

Then There, Private Sector & Industry: The Carbon Chameleons 

Nature Insights: You’re often called both the problem and the solution. Thoughts? 

CEO: We’re proudly committed to net-zero emissions. 

Nature Insights: Admirable. 

CEO: And we’re unveiling our new line of eco-friendly plastic bottles—made with 5% recycled guilt. 

Nature Insights: Truly sustainable marketing. 

CEO: Also pitching our Zero Net Leather Industry Initiative. I brought samples—want one? 

Nature Insights: Tempting, but I’m late for my moral crisis.

If greenwashing were a color, it would match their lanyards. 

Let’s Find Out the Latest News — Media & Press: Trending Over Truth 

Nature Insights: How’s the coverage this year? 

Journalist: Fantastic! We’ve just posted “Top 10 Outfits from COP30” and “What Greta Ate for Lunch.” 

Nature Insights: Anything on the negotiations? 

Journalist: Of course—once they trend.. 

Nature Insights:News you can depend on… if it goes viral. 

Climate urgency, now brought to you by the algorithm. 

The Buffet Corner: All You Can Waste 

At the food court, delegates debated food security over imported steak and bottled water.. Forks click, cameras flash, and slogans echo. 

Nature Insights (muttering): “The only thing reducing here is irony.” 

Leftovers of climate justice: served daily. 

Let’s Go for Prayer — Faith & Culture: The Moral Compass in a Broken GPS 

Nature Insights: You bring prayers and poetry. What’s your message this year? 

Faith Leader: Stewardship, humility, and fasting for fossil fuels. 

Nature Insights: Beautiful. 

Faith Leader: We’ll pray for rain—and renewable subsidies. 

Nature Insights: Amen… and may your grant proposals be approved. 

Even the divine needs funding. 

The River Knows Better 

As COP30 wraps up, the forests still burn, the oceans still rise, and the declarations grow bolder, though the coffee’s undeniably better. We, the Nature Insights team, return to the Amazon. Our bamboo raft waits quietly beneath the same sky that has always listened more than we have. The river hums as we drift away, whispering: 

“You can’t negotiate with nature. She doesn’t attend your conferences.” 

We float on, not as delegates, but as witnesses. Because when the badges fade and the lights dim, the real COP continues in the rivers, the roots, and the rain. 

If you wouldn’t dump it in the river, don’t dump it in a promise